


Upside Down

by trololonasty



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Best Friends, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Long-Distance Relationship, Male-Female Friendship, POV Third Person, Suicidal Thoughts, original character can be regarded as reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 06:50:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12293613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trololonasty/pseuds/trololonasty
Summary: She felt small and helpless, knowing that her best friend was struggling and not being able to do something about it.





	Upside Down

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this one is really personal, and I just had to write it because sometimes nothing makes sense, you know? But you will go through it, one way or another. You will.
> 
> No names mentioned because I felt like it. Let’s say, it’s for stylistic purposes.
> 
> Song for the mood: Hurts – Somebody to Die For.

The phone was ringing persistently and somewhat desperately. She reached her hand to the bedside table to pick it up, half-asleep, incoherently mumbling in irritation.

“Hello,” she said without opening her eyes to look who was calling, the voice hoarse from sleep.

“Hi. It’s me,” she heard from the speaker. She tensed up a bit, sensing trouble, and sat up on her bed. “Sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s fine,” she dismissed the apology. And it really was. He was probably the only person who could call her day and night, and it always would be fine. “I went to bed not so long ago anyway. What’s up?”

“I need to talk to someone,” he said, and now she really started to worry. “Well, not someone. You.”

“Okay,” she responded, a bit confused. “I’m listening.”

The thing was she knew all about his depression and self-destructive tendencies. They had been friends for five years or so now, and she saw him change, making turn for the worse. She felt small and helpless, knowing that her best friend was struggling and not being able to do something about it. Oh God, she wished she could do _something_ , anything. But she was no psychologist and wasn’t very good with words when it came down to expressing emotions or comforting other people. Maybe she should just give it all up and go straight to Charming – she was a person whose affection was expressed in her actions, and the distance between them was killing her. She wasn’t sure if he would appreciate her barging in his life, a girl who he had met online and who just happened to be crazy enough to go through with all that long-distance, almost-never-in-person kind of relationship, but she was sure as hell that if, heaven forbid, something she could have at least tried to prevent happened, she would hate herself for all eternity.

“I think I’m done,” he said earnestly, and she could hear him sitting down, probably on the floor. “I don’t want to die, but at this point it seems like the only logical option somehow. I just can’t go on like this.”

Taken aback, she didn’t know what to say. Again, she found herself at a loss of words when they were needed the most. She was literally the crappiest friend in the history of humanity.

“And I’m not saying this to you for you to talk me out of it, not really. I just want you to know… and be ready in case something happens.”

She ran her free hand through her hair trying to collect what was left of her thoughts and to make some sense out of something that didn’t make any. Under such emotional pressure she felt useless more than ever, but she couldn’t even begin to imagine what he must be feeling at the moment that made him say something like that, made him think like that. It must be enormous, overwhelming, extremely painful, and it broke her heart to pieces.

“Hey, um, I’m not going to pretend I truly understand what you’re going through,” she said after the pause, they knew each other so well silence was never a problem. She bit her lower lip and continued, “But you can’t expect me just to be okay with this, can you? I mean, you know me long enough to realize that.”

He chuckled but without a hint of cheerfulness. She sighed, “You need professional help. And I know what you’re going to say, but you really need it. It doesn’t cost more than your health, and it’s definitely worth it. You’re worth it. Don’t you dare think otherwise.”

Now, it was his turn to sigh. “I don’t think I can do it alone. You know, I’m not that good on my own. Now more than ever. And I’m just so tired of fighting it.”

“You’re not alone, darling,” she said mildly, allowing herself to smile a little, brushing away two silent tears. “I’m right here with you. Just as you’re right here with me. Always.”

“I just wish I could see you more often to remember that.”

“Do you want me to come?” she asked, suddenly not that confident.

“Oh no,” he sounded really surprised… and sad. “I don’t want you to be bothered because of me, with your job and all.”

“It’s not what I asked,” she pointed out. “Do _you_ want me to _come_?”

For a moment, he fell silent.

“Yes, I do,” he barely whispered then. “I would really appreciate that.”

“All right,” said she with a sudden feeling of relief. “Just don’t do anything stupid until I’m there, will you?”

“I’ll try my best,” he replied, and she wasn’t sure whether it had been intended as a joke or not. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

She still felt small as she hung up and lay down on the bed, wondering how it comes that the best people always suffer the most, completely unfairly. But maybe, she thought to herself, drifting off to sleep, just maybe, that little power she had would be enough to make a difference.


End file.
